The Files of Dr. Pugulus, Re: the von Possum case.

From the files of Dr. Winthrop Pugulus, MD, DVM, PhD, noted animal behaviorist, editor of the British Encyclopedia of Pet-Companion Neuroses, and author of the best-selling "When the Purring Stops:  How to Rekindle the Flame with Your Domestic Shorthair."

RE:  Patient Baroness von Possum

DATE:  Caturday, Arfgust 16th

Third session with BvP; still seems quite emotionally wrought over rainstorm incident.  Patient is under some kind of delusion that she is a titled heiress, indulging in a flirtation with a handsome stable boy; possible "Lady Chatterly" syndrome.

Today, subject was occupied with recurring dream wherein her great uncle (a basset hound she calles "Uncle Weddy"), discovers her lounging in sunbeam; "I can't seem to get the energy to employ my modesty tail, and Uncle Weddy's just staring at me with that dull, boring expression on his face.  I imagine that I AM at times a frightful bore, but really, one must at least THINK of one's modesty, and yet, in that moment, in the dream, I'm rather sleepy, and I don't really seem to mind...the sunbeam feels so good on my belleh....like the Tuscan sun, you know, at mid-day...."

Towards end of session, again made suggestion that perhaps the relationship with the hound and the phantom stable boy are not as intense as she makes them out to be; subject was again hostile, and again I was forced to remind her that she is, after all, a housecat, not an heiress, and the dog she calls Uncle Weddy is merely the neighbor's beloved pooch, and "Mrs. Pitnick" no more than a tiny stuffed bear she carries with her from room to room. 

"You're wrong, Dr. Pugulus.  You're wrong, how could you say those things?  If only you knew the truth that was beating in my heart....if only you knew the passion that was throbbing inside of my veins....if only you knew what it was like to be a cat, left alone in the garden, unable to enter the house as it began to rain....[here the patient gave over to pathetic mewling that lasted for several minutes]....but you can't know, because you're a DOG, and dogs LIKE the rain, don't they?  You can lay out in the rain and just shake it off, because in addition to having no fur, you have no heart, do you?  Tell me the truth, Dr. Pugulus!  That is the great secret of the male dog sex, is it not?  THAT YOU HAVE NO HEART!"

Patient was advised to avoid excessive catnip, and remain indoors until further notice.  I'm afraid the outside world would be...too stimulating in her present condition. 

NOTE:  Remember shepherd's pie and pasties for weekend dinner at C's; ask Matilda about dress (no tails?); courvosier?

Comments

[momof2kitties]

I surely hope the good doctor means "paasties" and not "paysties" for the weekend, or it could be some weekend indeed!

[angrycupcake]

Oh, no! So this lovely story is all delusion???

[JDS]

I wouldn't be too sure. After all, the pug thinks he is a psychiatrist.

I'm hoping someone submits an animal with a cleft chin and proud buttocks to C.O. because I'm dying to know what the stable boy thinks of all of this.

(Yes, I'm the writer, but I don't know where the story is going until the inspiration takes me).

[Carrie]

JDS - you slay me with your stories - chip chip and cheerio and all that sort of thing!

Could we see a picture of your dear Bertha? I've been dying for that also.

[momof2kitties]

Huzzah! Picture of Bertha, please!

[Melisma]

I was reading one of your hilarious comments over at Cute Overload, and I found a link to your blog. I'm so very glad I did, as this has cheered me right up after a day of very rude comments on a video of me singing. Thank you for sharing your entertaining scenarios with us.