From the files of Dr. Winthrop Pugulus, MD, DVM, PhD, noted animal behaviorist, editor of the British Encyclopedia of Pet-Companion Neuroses, and author of the best-selling "When the Purring Stops: How to Rekindle the Flame with Your Domestic Shorthair."
RE: Patient Baroness von Possum
DATE: Caturday, Arfgust 16th
Third session with BvP; still seems quite emotionally wrought over rainstorm incident. Patient is under some kind of delusion that she is a titled heiress, indulging in a flirtation with a handsome stable boy; possible "Lady Chatterly" syndrome.
Today, subject was occupied with recurring dream wherein her great uncle (a basset hound she calles "Uncle Weddy"), discovers her lounging in sunbeam; "I can't seem to get the energy to employ my modesty tail, and Uncle Weddy's just staring at me with that dull, boring expression on his face. I imagine that I AM at times a frightful bore, but really, one must at least THINK of one's modesty, and yet, in that moment, in the dream, I'm rather sleepy, and I don't really seem to mind...the sunbeam feels so good on my belleh....like the Tuscan sun, you know, at mid-day...."
Towards end of session, again made suggestion that perhaps the relationship with the hound and the phantom stable boy are not as intense as she makes them out to be; subject was again hostile, and again I was forced to remind her that she is, after all, a housecat, not an heiress, and the dog she calls Uncle Weddy is merely the neighbor's beloved pooch, and "Mrs. Pitnick" no more than a tiny stuffed bear she carries with her from room to room.
"You're wrong, Dr. Pugulus. You're wrong, how could you say those things? If only you knew the truth that was beating in my heart....if only you knew the passion that was throbbing inside of my veins....if only you knew what it was like to be a cat, left alone in the garden, unable to enter the house as it began to rain....[here the patient gave over to pathetic mewling that lasted for several minutes]....but you can't know, because you're a DOG, and dogs LIKE the rain, don't they? You can lay out in the rain and just shake it off, because in addition to having no fur, you have no heart, do you? Tell me the truth, Dr. Pugulus! That is the great secret of the male dog sex, is it not? THAT YOU HAVE NO HEART!"
Patient was advised to avoid excessive catnip, and remain indoors until further notice. I'm afraid the outside world would be...too stimulating in her present condition.
NOTE: Remember shepherd's pie and pasties for weekend dinner at C's; ask Matilda about dress (no tails?); courvosier?