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October 14, 2008

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turbofloof

BerthaS...
I jumped onto your blog because I love CuteOverload, and you are so charming, I had to see what you were all about.

I wanted to thank you for putting your heart on your sleeve (or your blog?) Maybe because your story is so compelling to me; maybe because you are a stranger, and it's amazing how comfortable it is to open up to strangers... but, at this time of my life, your words are particularly meaningful to me. Thank you.

I am 34, just left a fairytale relationship that ended up being empty and suddenly left me without energy. A little shellshocked, I guess. I also lost about 25 lbs (purposefully,) and wonder where all that fat really *goes* (though, I'm a nurse, and *know* where it *went,* but sometimes, biology still amazes me...) All your thoughts, about loss and change - about weightloss, gosh - everything, are as cathartic to me as I hope they are to you.

I'm terrified not to have babies, to have had a string of perfect relationships, but still be alone. I am mystified how a 25 lbs lighter me can feel so different, but how being sad feels the same fat or thin. I'm not comfortable with change because, you're right - when we "grow up," we're supposed to be "stable." The kind of life change that I'm experiencing right now is supposed to be past. You are so graceful in your acceptance of life not being what we'd dreamt it to be when we were 14.

In any case, I want you to know that your thoughts are a Godsend to me. It makes me feel so great to know that during all this time of hideous intraspection, there is someone else who sees, and accepts, all the grossness of life - and still can embrace cuteoverload in all its glory.

I want this note to make you feel better. For what it's worth. For some girl in Texas, you make the next few moments of a rough patch bearable...
:)
-Julie (jchang@seton.org)

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